i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
