sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
