Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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