I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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