ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Randomize
