I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
