I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
