So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
