I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
