she kept yelling 'call me bella'
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I think I just sharted jello shots
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