please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
