So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
