i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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