super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
