It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
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