This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
