she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Randomize