haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize