Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
dude. I can hear the air.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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