I puked a lego.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
