Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
