if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
