there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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