What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
