If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
