He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
