Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
