There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
