I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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