working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
