Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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