I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
