i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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