How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
