Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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