There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
