Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
