I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
