btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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