i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
now i know why i became what i already was.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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