I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
