i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
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