Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
