I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
