apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
