I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
tell me about the eggs
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
