How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
