i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
