You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
