ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
