david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Randomize
