Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
