I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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