and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
