Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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