I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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