dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
