yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
