Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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