I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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