What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
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