Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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