My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
