i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
