You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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