at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
