I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
