Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
