Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
