she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
