Do you still have your period?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
