It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
