Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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