at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
