My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
We're too hungover to prance.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
